“No love in mortality comes closer to approximating the pure love of Jesus Christ than the selfless love a devoted mother has for her child”. I never thought a statement could impact me so profoundly.
As a mother, I knew I would experience heartbreak, I just didn’t know how that heartbreak would come. About eight months ago we learned that our son had an addiction to pornography. He had first been exposed to it at the age of eight and he continued to be lured to it. His addiction had escalated to the point that he was viewing pornography consistently for two years. He was actively engaged in finding ways to view it and how to hide it from his family. Satan had him in a stranglehold and he later told us, “I honestly believed there was no way out.” It was during one of his moments of struggle when, the desire to view pornography came at a head with his desire to stop, that we learned of his problem. So great was his struggle that for the first time in years he prayed for help, and to his relief help came. I awoke that same night with an urgency to check the house. The feeling that something wasn’t right was so strong. That was the night I first encountered our sons pornography addiction. One week later we would learn the full extent of his struggle.
As parents we didn’t know what we were facing. No words can adequately describe the anguish and that you feel. It was in those first moments that our faith in Christ began to be tested. I will never forget holding my son in my arms as he cried, “I’m so glad you know. I want to stop but I can’t do it by myself”. My son had exercised the small amount of faith he had managed to hold onto to cry out to his loving Heavenly Father for help. Now it was up to us as his parents to use our faith to help rebuild his. In the days, weeks, and months that followed our families desires and perspective became that of helping our son and brother heal.
There is no way to adequately describe the anguish you feel when a child has broken your heart. However, it was through that heartbreak that I saw glimpses of the divine. I saw first hand the redemptive power of the atonement! I saw a loving Father in Heaven lead my husband and me ever so carefully. He guided our speech and our actions toward our fragile and broken son during those first vital months. I witnessed miracles, beautiful miracles! I know first hand the wisdom in the council for mothers to stay in the home. If both my husband and I had to worry about an early morning job who would have been there on the hard nights our son faced and continues to face? He needed me there to help bear him up. How grateful I am that he did not and does not face those nights alone!
I have often sat in wonder as I realized that it is through this hard trial that my love for my son grew in ways I never imagined. The love between son and father grew and the love between siblings grew. In short, our heartbreak is turning out to be beautiful.
I know that as my son continues to climb this mountain, there will be times when he will slip and fall. It will be during those times that I will be there to carry him. To hold him and remind him how much he is loved by his family and God. He isn’t perfect, but our Savior Jesus Christ is and through him we may become perfect.
There may be many more heartbreaks, heartbreaks that come with this mortal experience. I know that God loves me. I am a mother to His precious children. I know miracles happen! Most importantly, I have faith in my Heavenly Father and I know that He will guide me if I but chose to follow Him.
To the mothers out there who are in the trenches: It may seem dark and hopeless at times, but hold on and don’t let go. There is hope! There is peace! There are miracles!
-submitted to Gathering Families by anonymous. (Thank you for sharing such a tender message of hope!)